IKnow You're Going To Read This Because It's About Porn

A timeless tale: One spring day, the curious young boy stumbled onto his father's dirty magazine collection and wowzawowzawowza! Good times ensued.

Some men get hooked on the fantasy that porn brings: a bounty of beautiful women without even a hint of imperfection, just waiting to shag the holymoly out of them at no more than a moment's notice - as if that's all they're there for.

See the earrings that dangle off the lobes, leading eyes down to the neck - reach to brush back the flowing hair - running fingers softly upwards to the chin, along a cheek so soft, looking into her urgent yet sultry stare.

It's so simple in the fantasy.

She knocks at the door. "Hello?"   "...hi, I was wondering if I could borrow a cup of sugar - and - er - speaking of which - you're cute - [flirt flirt, wink wink] - wanna F...?"

Some men never get past the fantasy. We all know who THOSE guys are... the ones who can't manage to be part of a relationship because they view women as little more than a means to sexual satisfaction.

I never thought of myself as one of those guys - ruled by fantasy. I'm a man who values the woman in my life as a partner. Sex is a wonderful thing - but so is meaningful conversation and sharing a laugh, holding hands at the movies, or spending an afternoon in the park playing on the swings. (at my age? Damn right!)

And yet, years ago, I fell victim to porn of another sort.

I call it "Radio Porn."

I used to scan the trade magazines looking for twelve-plus numbers of stations across the country. I'd see a station sitting on top of a market and I'd imagine working there. Everything's perfect at KBOX, you know. Other times, I'd imagine taking over a station at the bottom of the ratings heap, and I'd turn it into a winner - almost overnight. Because it really *IS* that easy... or so my radio porn would allow me to believe.

I'd stare at the radio-porn mags and dream of my station.

I'd picture myself sitting in my office with a room full of people, and the station would be playing in the background. The afternoon drive jock would start to do a break with the new night guy, and I'd put my hand in the air, palm facing out, as if to say "just a sec - LISTEN" as I reach to turn the radio up. The two jocks would do a break together to tease the night show. It would be both hysterical and timely - of course - and they'd wrap it up in under a minute, ramped up the intro of a hot new record. I'd then shut the radio off and my office would be deadly silent. The G.M, who just happened to be walking past my office at that moment, would pop his head in the doorway to say something like "Wow, good hire." Everyone would be so impressed.

Ahh, my radio porn.

But, of course, porn is all about a fantasy. It's not based on reality. Playboy isn't about real women with real problems. Nobody dreams of fighting about the mother-in-law. Nobody dreams of not tonight I've got a headache. Nobody dreams of out of the blue phone calls from her ex-boyfriend.

Radio porn is no different... Nobody dreams of firing people. Nobody dreams of fighting with corporate to convince them your market isn't identical to Tampa, or Baltimore, or Atlanta. Nobody dreams of having a great promotion buried in obligatory sales pitches or abandoned completely in favor of something with more potential for generating NTR. Nobody dreams of budget cuts or voicetracked dayparts.

Eventually, I had to give up my addiction to Radio Porn. I went cold turkey when I was hired at an upstart that had dreams of knocking a heritage chr off its perch at the top of the market. We got crushed instantly because we were a mess internally. Everything was a day late and a dollar short. Nobody knew what was going on. Hell, the first time I met my soon-to-be G.M, I realized he had no understanding of what the station needed to become. The fantasy of greatness for that radio station was never to be more than that - a fantasy.

And thus, another victim of porn made a breakthrough.

I realized that real beauty is on the inside. It's just as true in a radio station as it is in a fellow human being.

In my eyes, a beautiful woman has a sense of humor, dignity, and charm. She is both strong and soft at the same time. She is complex. She is romantic. She knows who she is, and she's proud of herself. She shares her good days with loved ones, and relies on loved ones during her bad.

In my opinion, a beautiful radio station is one with focus. There's a strong sense of structure behind the scenes. Programming is a balance of creativity and planning. The staff has a clear vision of what the station is and where it's going. They plan in advance, they follow through, and they have a good time while doing so. They're like a family.

I can always spot guys who are hooked on porn. They dream of busty blondes without a hint of personality, but I'd rather dream of being in love with a woman I could call my partner. They dream of jingle packages with big call letters, but I'd rather dream of entertainment.

There's a good reason why most radio stations at the bottom of the heap are where they are. Building a winner has as much to do with what happens off the air as what happens on the air.

Here's a lesson I learned the hard way: Never take a job based on what potential a station may have. Only take a job based on what potential you have to get the job done. The difference between those two is huge. We all know that change doesn't come easy - but it doesn't come at all if the right people aren't on board.

Just say no to radio porn... don't be another victim.

I'd stare at the radio-porn mags and dream of my station.

I'd picture myself sitting in my office with a room full of people, and the station would be playing in the background. The afternoon drive jock would start to do a break with the new night guy, and I'd put my hand in the air, palm facing out, as if to say "just a sec - LISTEN" as I reach to turn the radio up. The two jocks would do a break together to tease the night show. It would be both hysterical and timely - of course - and they'd wrap it up in under a minute, ramped up the intro of a hot new record. I'd then shut the radio off and my office would be deadly silent. The G.M, who just happened to be walking past my office at that moment, would pop his head in the doorway to say something like "Wow, good hire." Everyone would be so impressed.

Ahh, my radio porn.

But, of course, porn is all about a fantasy. It's not based on reality. Playboy isn't about real women with real problems. Nobody dreams of fighting about the mother-in-law. Nobody dreams of not tonight I've got a headache. Nobody dreams of out of the blue phone calls from her ex-boyfriend.

Radio porn is no different... Nobody dreams of firing people. Nobody dreams of fighting with corporate to convince them your market isn't identical to Tampa, or Baltimore, or Atlanta. Nobody dreams of having a great promotion buried in obligatory sales pitches or abandoned completely in favor of something with more potential for generating NTR. Nobody dreams of budget cuts or voicetracked dayparts.

Eventually, I had to give up my addiction to Radio Porn. I went cold turkey when I was hired at an upstart that had dreams of knocking a heritage chr off its perch at the top of the market. We got crushed instantly because we were a mess internally. Everything was a day late and a dollar short. Nobody knew what was going on. Hell, the first time I met my soon-to-be G.M, I realized he had no understanding of what the station needed to become. The fantasy of greatness for that radio station was never to be more than that - a fantasy.

And thus, another victim of porn made a breakthrough.

I realized that real beauty is on the inside. It's just as true in a radio station as it is in a fellow human being.

In my eyes, a beautiful woman has a sense of humor, dignity, and charm. She is both strong and soft at the same time. She is complex. She is romantic. She knows who she is, and she's proud of herself. She shares her good days with loved ones, and relies on loved ones during her bad.

In my opinion, a beautiful radio station is one with focus. There's a strong sense of structure behind the scenes. Programming is a balance of creativity and planning. The staff has a clear vision of what the station is and where it's going. They plan in advance, they follow through, and they have a good time while doing so. They're like a family.

I can always spot guys who are hooked on porn. They dream of busty blondes without a hint of personality, but I'd rather dream of being in love with a woman I could call my partner. They dream of jingle packages with big call letters, but I'd rather dream of entertainment.

There's a good reason why most radio stations at the bottom of the heap are where they are. Building a winner has as much to do with what happens off the air as what happens on the air.

Here's a lesson I learned the hard way: Never take a job based on what potential a station may have. Only take a job based on what potential you have to get the job done. The difference between those two is huge. We all know that change doesn't come easy - but it doesn't come at all if the right people aren't on board.

Just say no to radio porn... don't be another victim.